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First Corinthians 11:3 says: “Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.”
In this verse, we see the divine prerogative: Christ submits to God, the man submits to Christ, and the woman submits to man. If the husband is going to lead his wife according to God’s design, he must first submit to Christ. It is for this reason that a wife must submit to her husband, for when she is following her husband, she is really submitting to Christ’s delegated authority.
This brings a grave responsibility to each husband to know Christ’s leading. He must truly be somebody who abides in God’s Word and prayer so that he can discern God’s voice. The man considering marriage should ask himself, “Am I pursuing the Lord in such a way that I can know his voice in order to lovingly lead a wife and a family?” It has commonly been said, “Only those who are near, hear.” The husband must be near Christ, his head, to hear his voice. Only the husband who is near Christ will be able to model Christ and lead properly.
This is also important for single women to hear and consider because not every man is spiritually fit for leadership. They should ask themselves about a potential husband, “Does this man love Christ? Is this man following Christ? Is he spiritually fit to lead?” One can be sure that if a single man is not faithful in following Christ, he will not be faithful when married. Scripture says that he who is unfaithful with little, will be unfaithful with much (Luke 16:10, paraphrase). Husbands must continually be submitting to the leadership of Christ in order to properly lead their homes.
Again, Ephesians 5:22 says, “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.” Not only does this teach that wives must submit to their husbands, but the implication is that they must first submit to the Lord. The husband is just a representation of Christ’s leadership, no matter how frail that representation may be. It is in submitting to Christ,
abiding in his Word, and loving him that the wife will find the ability to submit to her husband. This will be especially true in dealing with a husband who doesn’t know the Lord or who is far from him. First Peter 3:1-2 says this:
Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.
The husband’s leadership applies even when he isn’t following God. In that case, the wife’s submission to Christ is even more important. By submitting to Christ, she will find ability to love and submit to a difficult husband and this submission may bring transformation and even salvation to his life. However, this is only possible when the wife is submitting to the Lord. Jesus said in John 15:5, “Abide in me and you will produce much fruit” (paraphrase). The ability to love, to have peace, to have patience, to forgive, etc., all comes from God.
The single woman considering marriage must ask herself, “Am I daily submitting to the Lord’s leadership so I can faithfully submit to my husband’s leadership?” This daily submission to the Lord prepares a woman for marriage.
Also, the single man considering marrying a female must ask, “How is her submission? Does she faithfully submit to the Lord? Is she faithful in church attendance, daily devotion, and service to God?” For if she does not submit to the greater, the Lord, then she will not submit to the lesser, her husband. A wise man will consider a woman’s obedience to God when seeking a wife. God has called for the wife to first submit to Christ so she can faithfully respect and submit to her husband.
This is no easy question to answer, yet it is an important one. The following list of what to look for in a husband is clearly selective and by no means exhaustive. But these factors make an excellent beginning to a checklist. Here are the top six things women should look for in a potential husband.
This list was adapted from Lasting Love: How to avoid marital failure by Alistair Begg, who is the senior pastor of Parkside Church in Cleveland, Ohio.
